I’ve posted before how a song will take you back to a place and time in one’s life, but what about a smell. Or a building. Or just one of those random pop-ups.
I don’t mind getting a good memory. Who wouldn’t right? But what about those memories that remind us of what horrible things we’ve done? Yup, I just had one. Ugh
It started out nice. Remembering the first time I met him. Then it stems from there – how I ended it. How I went out with his brother. (Yes, I did that. Not my proudest moment. The only excuse I have – I was young and stupid.)
I have those feelings one gets from remembering those idiotic days; things one does when they think the world revolves around them. Churning in the stomach. Light-headedness. Shame. Misery. The norm.
Then I tell myself, I’m not that person anymore. I’m better than I was then. There is no point making myself miserable over something I cannot change. Life goes on and I can apologize to them now (as I have done with someone before, but that’s an entirely different blog post) for my past transgressions, but that’s all I can do.
In the end, God will judge me. I don’t judge for that reason. Who am I? Just me.