Life Memories

lifememories

 

Life Memories

Sitting here thinking

Listening to various songs

Visions flash before me

Eyes

A smile

There is a vague scent in the air

Laughter can be heard off in the distance

Is it real or in my mind?

Memories continue

Some good

Some bad

Time drifts away

I think on those memories

Some I wish I didn’t have

Others I wish I could live again

They are all part of who I am

Memories are what happen while life is lived.

Cherish them, all of them.

They made me who I am

And I am indestructible.

© Dellajes Anilom 2017

How I Loathe Myself

howiloathemyself

 

How I Loathe Myself

The sound of the ping brightens my day

And how I hate that I smile thinking it’s you.

Only to see it isn’t.

There was some small witty banter

When we first started chatting

Now… silence.

The emptiness is almost immediate

Self-loathing is definite

Pain … inevitable.

Why do I do this to myself?

Why keep looking?

Love is not real.

The only real feelings in life

Is hate, pain, and sorrow.

Ping… is it you?

How I loathe myself.

© Dellajes Anilom 2017

Cherished Heart – Original Cherished BlogFest 2016 Post

As the title says, what follows was my original post for Cherished Blog Fest 2016. I will be posting it below. I hope you enjoy it, as much as I did writing it. It is much shorter than what I am use to writing, but I like the editing I had to do to keep it at such a length. .  . Enjoy.

 

One of my most cherished objects is my heart. It is amazing how it can continue to beat after all it has been through. I know everything I’ve gone through has turned me into the person I am now, but at times, I just want to stop thinking of the future me.

Libby, that’s what I call my heart, has struggled with love since I was a child. In school, I wasn’t the skinniest so I always felt huge. Later I would learn I wasn’t that big, but the wounds were already there. Wounds turn into scars.

Through the tortures of school, adolescence, and eventually adulthood, Libby has continued to beat. Yes, there have been long nights of crying, when that one boy, then that guy, and finally the man didn’t love me as I loved them. With each tear that fell, with each breath that was taken, with each new dawn, Libby continued to beat.

There wasn’t always sadness, there have been joys. The most joyous were the births of my daughter and a son. Each time it felt as if Libby would burst out and wrap herself around those two wonderful beings. Each smile, laugh, look, and touch made Libby grow and grow.

Today Libby still grows when she sees those darlings sleeping. Yes sleeping, because when awake, they are fighting; fighting with each other, with me, or just with themselves. I know they love each other and me, because they show me in their own way. This is when Libby feels like everything is going to be just fine.

Libby had a hard time when her son was just four years old. He was diagnosed with a condition. A condition I knew nothing about. He had a MRI just before Christmas. The doctor said he would call us but he didn’t. The offices were closed over the holidays and it was the worse Christmas Libby has ever had to endure. EVER. Not knowing what was causing a vibrant, young boy to not want to play outside, but instead lie on the couch and not move. He would cry his head hurt so much. I cried for him. I cried with him. I cried at night when everyone else was asleep. I prayed for an answer.

The call to go into the doctor’s office came in a couple of days after Christmas. It wasn’t even the doctor who spoke to us; it was his nurse practitioner; and the diagnoses Arnold Chiari Malformation Type 2.

What was that?

Libby cracked. Libby bled. Libby cried. Libby screamed!

I on the other hand, shed a tear and was trying to be calm for my son.

Libby did not break. Libby still beats. Libby lives.

My son is doing wonderful. Turned out he didn’t have Type 2, but Type 1, it’s a bit of a difference. Chiari, ACM, whatever you call it, is worth looking into. My son lives with it every day, but he is still here, smiling, laughing.

Libby, too!

Nothing Goes as Planned

Well, I signed up to do the Cherished Blog Fest 2016, but as can happen; I am away from my computer. And as it turns out, it was what should be.

I sit right now, watching my two wonderful children enjoy some down town after a busy day. Shopping, more shopping, eating, swimming, eating again. I realize that this moment, this very moment, is one of my most cherished objects. It is time.

I know it won’t be the last (I hope not) because as the years continue, I pray I’m able to be here for my kids; to share in the new adventures that God sets forth before us.

Tomorrow is never promised which is why plans change. Nothing like an unexpected vacation of shopping and swimming to brighten up any day, week, or month.

It is these unexpected moments in time that become some of my most cherished.

My daughter’s long hair flowing like a mermaid in the pool.

My son’s laughter as he after seeing me laugh at his face in the pool.

Even my mother’s fear of drowning, and inability to float because she is holding on to something over her head.

Joy.

Laughter.

Life.

Time.

Yes, it is my most Cherished object.

So, I’m happy I didn’t post the original post I had written for this event. This was so much better. (And shorter).

 

Writing

As I write for the Cherished BlogFest 2016 #CBF16, I find I am writing more and more. I’ve had to step away from the first project, because it has taken on a life of its own. It has gone beyond the 500 allotted words and I’m not even half way through it.

SIGH

So now, I’ve got started on another one. This one has potential to be a lengthy one too, but I’m going to try and reign it in. It seems my writing wants to tell longer stories, and as a writer, I’m bound to let it flow.

Listening to music helps me with my writing process, and right now I’m listening to a song that remembers me of a certain someone. I pray doing well, and loving life as I am trying to do myself.

“Candy” lyrics provided by AZlyrics

It’s a rainy afternoon
In 1990
The big city geez it’s been 20 years-
Candy-you were so fine

Beautiful beautiful
Girl from the north
You burned my heart
With a flickering torch
I had a dream that no one else could see
You gave me love for free

candy, candy , Candy I can’t let you go
All my life you’re haunting me
I loved you so

Candy, candy , Candy I can’t let you go
Life is crazy
Candy baby

Yeah, well it hurt me real bad when you left
I’m glad you got out
But I miss you
I’ve had a hole in my heart
For so long
I’ve learned to fake it and
Just smile along

Down on the street
Those men are all the same
I need a love
Not games
Not games

Candy, Candy, Candy I can’t let you go
All my life you’re haunting me
I loved you so
Candy, Candy , Candy I can’t let you go
Life is crazy
I Know baby
Candy baby

UOU UOU UOU
Candy, Candy, Candy I can’t let you go
All my life you’re haunting me
I loved you so

CANDY CANDY CANDY
life is crazy
candy baby

candy baby,
candy, candy

Cherished Blogfest

cherished-badge16

Sign up for the CHERISHED BLOGFEST if you haven’t already. July 29-31st, a  Max of 500 words on an object you cherish. More than 60 bloggers have signed up already. Get your name in Now!  

This is the first year I’ve hear of it, and I’m looking forward to participating in this event. Something I cherish, I do believe I know what I will be blogging about!

Looking forward to reading other bloggers post!!

 

Neb!!

My Singer

My Singer

 

 

Most of the time

I’m okay

No thoughts seem

To get in the way

But there are times

When I think of you

Of how your voice

Takes away my blues

I’ll close my eyes

And begin to smile

Listening to your words

Getting lost for awhile

No matter the song

The feelings the same

Happy, sad, love or not

Either way, it’s just a game

Your voice heals me

Though you’ll never know

It’s in the way you sing

The tone, the flow

Your feelings for me

I know are not true

But they are not the same

For I … love you.

Most of the time

I’m okay

No thoughts seem

To get in the way

But there are times

When I think of you

Of how your voice

Takes away my blues

I’ll close my eyes

And begin to smile

Listening to your words

Getting lost for awhile

No matter the song

The feelings the same

Happy, sad, love or not

Either way, it’s just a game

Your voice heals me

Though you’ll never know

It’s in the way you sing

The tone, the flow

Your feelings for me

I know are not true

But they are not the same

For I … love you.

©2011 Dellajes Anilom