31 Days

Sigh

Today marks 31 days.

Thirty-one days since my world has been turned upside down.

Thirty-one days without the person that made sure I was grounded and always looked on the bright side (except when she was expecting he worse case scenario).

One month.

One whole month… seems like forever.

I have gone through so many emotions when it comes to these last few weeks. Anger is the one that stands out most, but I do try to stay away from it. Mostly, I’m just lost. How am I expected to continue as if nothing has changed? Why do people ask such ridiculous questions? One person actually told me, “It won’t be long before everything will be back to normal.”

Normal?

NORMAL?!?!?!?!?!

It will never be normal again. EVER. She is gone and I can’t just look over and see her. I can’t ask her how to cook a certain dish. Her laughter is gone from the house. There is no one to tell me to do certain things. She is gone. Gone.

Normal.

Thirty-one days and I still feel like it just happened. I relive that last day with her. See her and hear her labored breathing. She is not hurting any more. She is in a better place… But…

I MISS YOU MOMMY!!!!

I opened a bag the other day and it smelled like her. After taking a long whiff, I quickly closed it back up to keep the scent from escaping. I don’t want to lose her. I know I haven’t lost her. She is in my heart and around the house. I can hear her voice in my head at times. Especially when I’ve been saying too much.

I try to keep my faith. I do love and believe in God. I just wish I could have had her around for a while more. She was so young, only 63 and cancer had to take her. The one consolation is she is no longer in any kind of pain. She hated having to rely on us to care for her and she was in pain.

I LOVE YOU MOMMY!!!!

Although I miss you, I know you are in a better place and I know I will see you soon.

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