How I Loathe Myself

howiloathemyself

 

How I Loathe Myself

The sound of the ping brightens my day

And how I hate that I smile thinking it’s you.

Only to see it isn’t.

There was some small witty banter

When we first started chatting

Now… silence.

The emptiness is almost immediate

Self-loathing is definite

Pain … inevitable.

Why do I do this to myself?

Why keep looking?

Love is not real.

The only real feelings in life

Is hate, pain, and sorrow.

Ping… is it you?

How I loathe myself.

© Dellajes Anilom 2017

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Real Me

First Cover Design

First Cover Design

 

What is time?

What is a lie?

What are these emotions

That simply won’t die.

Physical pain

Runs through this body

Screaming…

Of unspoken agony.

The physical pain can be dealt with

It will fade or dull with time

It’s the pain within my being

That claims this ache of mine.

Blackness envelopes me

Attempting to drown who I am

Though I try reaching out

With both of my hands.

Reaching for what

I am not sure

The blackness is still here

Something I endure.

Perhaps this time will pass

Ending the oblivion

Should it not occur…

I shall continue to pretend.

©2013 Dellajes Anilom

Cover Design 2

Cover Design 2

This Place

This Place

 

I think of you, most of the day

Wondering if you might feel, the same way

 

Closing my eyes, I see your face

Wishing I could get, out of this place

 

Hearing you laugh, makes me smile

It’s a sound I could listen to, for a while

 

I always enjoy talking to you

You turn my day from black, to blue

 

But it’s when you sing

That changes everything

I get lost in the words

Your voice like nothing, I’ve ever heard

 

I close my eyes, when I listen to you

My feelings, my emotions, shown with a tear or two

 

How I long, to get out of this place

You’re a dream, I keep trying to chase

 

Though I honor the place I’m in

I still wonder… Will I always, just be a friend?

 

©2011 Dellajes Anilom

Does Time

Does Time

Does Time

 

Does time heal?

Does it know how I feel?

Does it realize the hurt, the pain,

Of all the aches in my heart?

The pain from these months

That we have been apart.

Nights crying out for you,

Days not know what to do.

Longing to look,

Into your eyes,

Knowing the pain,

Can no longer be disguised.

The pain of losing you,

Has turned my world askew.

Does time truly heal

A heart that’s broken

Or does it merely leave

Words unspoken.

Does time heal?

Does it know… how I feel?

©2011 Dellajes Anilom